Passing Time

Age is a funny thing. I find myself now looking at women differently than I did before. I think when you are in your 20's you have no concept of time you live your life in measured minutes of either wonderful bliss that are mixed with moments of wondering when you will get on with your life.  In your 20's you feel your life has not quite started yet.  I do not know what one does in their 30's I don't think we are really paying attention as we are establishing ourselves as grown ups and starting the business of maturity.  Your 40's sneak up on you slowly like weight gain.  I recall the first time I realized that weight was actually going to become an issue and no longer could I look at someone overweight and think 'all they need to do is eat right and exercise'.  The same can be said of depression.  I always thought all people needed to do to snap out of depression was snap out of depression.  Depression is paralyzing.  I never know that until I got there myself.  I can say that I had a summer when I could hardly speak a word.  It hurt to talk and the sound of 'how are you' or 'are you okay' could bring me to tears.  I recall standing in a bathroom at a hospital and looking in a mirror while tears fell and i wondered: how did i get here ?  Depression is so not a snap out of it sort of thing.  In the movie "Sex and The City" there is this scene where Carrie has to be fed her food by her friend.  I wept through that scene.  I had so been in Carrie's skin.